I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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