Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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