I heard we made out
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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