im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
wow bdsm is so cute
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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