you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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