I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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