i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dick very happy bro
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
