we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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