i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
