I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
