My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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