I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
