i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
