An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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