i was born a porn star she said
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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