Life is so much better after having sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
