Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
