I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
