She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
