Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
