I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
