Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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