I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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