Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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