she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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