everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
