Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
