I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
