No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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