I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize