We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
