so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
