Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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