remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
