I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
