Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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