Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
