It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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