I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
