dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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