my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
