and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
