areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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