Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
