So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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