She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
