Dual....:-)
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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