I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They took my balls.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I could fuck to npr.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
