My first STD was from a foam party
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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