It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
