after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
did i just pee glitter
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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