An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
