Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
