i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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