Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
