I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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