i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
