We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That accounts for only three of the penises
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
