This is not my ceiling
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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