I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
this is an emotional support booty call
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
