Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
