Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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