I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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