Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
