some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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