i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize