Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
