the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
