if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You ruined the universe
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
