he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
