Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
