I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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