exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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