Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
