I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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