Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
