so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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