It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
