I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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