hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
