how can u be prego again
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we're making bets on your personal life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
