Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
