Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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