No subtext here. People are naked.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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