After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize