I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
