Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
