ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
