When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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