you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize