God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish you could order shots online.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize