I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
