tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
