you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
