College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
its liver damage thursday
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
