Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I died a long time ago.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize