come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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