Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
