Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
