apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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