Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
