i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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