get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
