Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
