you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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