she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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