i will never coherently bang her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
