A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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