I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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