Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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