bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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