so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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