He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
