you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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