So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
