He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
