I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
