woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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