I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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