Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
