You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There r osticjed everywhere
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
