I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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